When Mental Doesn’t Equal Medical
Friday Feeling, Alopecia, Insurance Denial, Motivation
Just when a bald woman was really getting excited about having brown locks by the time her first-born son gets married, she receives a special note from Excellus Blue Cross, Blue Shield saying:
“You have asked for Olumiant because you have a diagnosis of alopecia universalis (full and complete loss of hair). According to our policy, the use of Olumiant for the treatment of alopecia universalis is considered COSMETIC as defined as used to IMPROVE a patient’s appearance and/or self-esteem. The use of the drug, whether approved or not by the FDA, for a cosmetic use is considered not MEDICALLY necessary.”
If you could see the cartoon bubble above my shining bare-naked head that once confidently led me in front of thousands of women to speak, you’d see that sometimes medically and MENTALLY necessary are one in the same.
If you read the blog post just prior to this one, you’d see without hair, I am reluctant to go to my 40th High School Reunion, and literally sweated from my exposed brow last weekend at my husband’s associates outdoor wedding because I couldn’t find an appropriate hat to wear to the formal affair. I’m not sure the bride and groom wanted a bald chick at their fancy wedding.
As one person said, “When will the insurance companies and health institutions realized medical and mental go together?” Excellus Blue Cross Blue Shield, like so many people I worry about, look at me as a cosmetic, shallow human being with only the image of Hollywood to guide me in my personal life. I don’t want to grow my hair back for cosmetic reasons but for holistic ones where I feel normal again and my future grandkids don’t have to call me “Grandma Baldie.”
Is it a shame to want to have hair for both of my son’s weddings? How about a shame to want to be able to inspire thousands of more women at a podium again like I’ve done for 25 years because my self-image has been wrecked by the loss of hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. Come on, insurance companies, are you that insensitive and dumb? If you, the person typing the letter that came to me, or the medical doctor who came up with the paragraph, lost every single strand of hair from their body, which made you step away from your career and parts of your life, would you write the same words?
Hey Excellus, you can step in my shoes any day because my hairy toes aren’t in them anymore. You can eat at my dining table knowing you won’t find any hair in your spaghetti. You can ride with me bald every day for 15 miles to see me find happiness because no one cares when a bald person bikes.
Treat people with life-altering, not life-threatening illnesses, the same. We deserve the coverage and hope to return to our former 100% healthy and mental ways of life.
I often wonder if we are born indecisive or if life forms us into wavering, hesitant beings as we roll along it with all its twists and turns. This temporary state of inaction can be both bad and good for us depending on how often we feel entangled in inconclusiveness. Sometimes we can be decisive in one area of our lives, and yet paralyzed in other parts.
Since becoming a fully bald woman in middle age, who loved her hair, looks and image most of her life, my indecisiveness in making social decisions is based on how confident, or not, I’m feeling about what I look like and honestly who the audience is that will see me.
I’ve learned I can’t fake my baldness with wigs, especially in the summer, when they are too hot so what’s a girl to do when her 40th Highschool Reunion is nine days away and her two best friends are in town to celebrate with me but also with people who haven’t witnessed me since post-hair days? Stewing over the details of the reunion have been driving me crazy enough to motivate me to bike 15 miles each day to gain perspective (and endorphins) for saying yes or no.
I love my two life-long friends dearly and they’ve been along for this hairless journey soaking me with love and kindness. But seeing old boyfriends, former classmates who still look stunning, and fighting with my own ego, has me hesitant to make final reservations. Egos are a funny thing. We need them to enable a self-reflective awareness and also to justify our actions to self and others. If our Ego relates to our own concept as a person, then it has me in a literal headlock when it comes to how attractive, and not, I feel as a 57-year old woman seeing former 17-year old friends.
The ending of my reunion story is still unknown to me but I challenge you at least today to consider whether you allow your ego to limit your abilities, opportunities, and chances in business and life? What does your sense of ego allow, or not allow, you to do on a daily or perhaps 40-year basis like seeing old high school friends? It’s an interesting perspective if you really think about it.
Stay tuned for my final decision and insight into this matter in two weeks when my ego will finally make the decision.
Women and Sports: Fly Fishing Hydrotherapy
Tuesday Thoughts, Inspiration, Women, Women in Sports, Women in Business
You couldn’t have imagined a more tranquil, warm, perfect summer evening to stand on a wooden deck, on a private pond, to try fly fishing. It was my own golden pond moment as the honeyed sun blazed in my eyes looking over calm, cobalt water waiting for fish to bubble to the surface to catch their dinner of flies. I’m pretty sure I’ve had flies for lunch before biking through Onondaga Lake Park in early spring when they were hatching as my fast, breathy bike ride drew them into my mouth.
I have fished many times before with my sons and husband off Sanibel Island Florida in a private fishing boat, on wild 6’ waves off St. John’s Island where we caught a 10-ft 400-pound Dusky Shark, and on Lake Ontario in January ice fishing for perch in single digit temperatures. The first fish I ever caught was with my dad on our dock on Lake Delta one summer afternoon when I was young. It was a small sunfish but I remember this big moment because my father was at my side.
When I saw spear fishing and fly fishing were still on my sports bucket list, I jumped at the offer by a neighbor to teach me fly fishing as seen in the movie “A River Runs Through It.” My neighbor isn’t just an average neighbor but rather Syracuse’s popular entrepreneur Jim Sollecito, Owner of Sollecito Landscaping Nursery who gave fly fishing a try over 60-years ago and has fished in 39 different countries, landing him 5 IGFA World Fishing records. As he says, “Fly fishing is hydrotherapy.” I understand now why.
One, two, three….one, two, three…one, two, three…
Flick, flick
Ten O’clock, two O’clock…ten O’clock, two O’clock
Elbow in.
Only move your wrist and hand.
were some of the easy instructions Jim patiently repeated many times over the two hours. With a funny sense of humor, he was light-hearted and yet instructive in my novice abilities. The perfectionist in me wanted to do it right the very first time. But I couldn’t remain uptight for too long because every time the green line literally danced in the air beautifully, swaying back and forth, before gently landing on the pond’s surface, I was memorized. It was like ballet-style fishing with subtle symphonic tones in the snapping of the line. Stunning.
Ice fishing is simply up and down wrist movements through a white hole on a frozen lake typically surrounded by varying hues of grey. Deep sea fishing has always been for me turbulent waters with a queasy stomach worth the big catches and fresh tuna for eating. Fly fishing is simply breathtaking, rhymical, and intellectual.
The lesson learned successfully throwing a fly on a six weight G-Loomis nine-foot fly rod 22’ with my generous neighbor Jim, is that trying a new way to fish on a beautiful summer evening is pretty spectacular at best. It tops my fishing list – much preferred over high seas and frigid temperatures. It is a reason I suggest you try every sport once in your life too because you never know the wonderment, challenge, and lessons it brings to your life.
Onto the next sporting adventure…..
Thursday Thoughts, Thursday Vibes for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners, Women in Business
Recently a dear friend, a woman entrepreneur 10 years my senior, gifted me with a meaningful book from her career-focused bookcase. The yellowish-gold book cover reminded me of the colors of my 1970s childhood bedroom wall paper with dots of avocado green, burnt orange, and golden yellow. My sister and I had an enormous bedroom which we shared with plenty of room for talking at night under the alcove windows in our historic cherry framed beds. We whispered hopes, dreams and feelings as we aged and transitioned from children to teenagers to college-aged women.
Like other girls in the 1970s, we had our future roadmap laid out before us – graduating from high school, going to college, getting a good professional job, marrying, and having children. The line of success ended after birthing children though and no one ever spoke about what happens once your children grow up, go to college, move to a big city, and get engaged. What happens to us, the women who had such distinctive directives for our lives? What do we do?
At the once thought of old age of 57, I imagine myself with gray hair, dyed in my natural dark brown shade with auburn highlights, taut breasts, athletic body, and living well. No one told me, I could be bald one day due to alopecia, have drooping boobs because I birthed two sons and went through menopause, and had to work like a dog every, single day biking or running to keep my body semi-toned. Why don’t women share this “fun” information when they share life’s future transitions?
I think the answer is why would an older woman want to share the potential sad parts of life, health, and reality with youthful girls who brim with optimism for what lies ahead. Similarly, as a 3-decade woman entrepreneur, I haven’t heard many retiring business owners talk about when to transition out of business, the options, choices, or feelings that go along with it; except for my friend who handed me the book with the mustard-colored cover.
By profession my friend Leslie Rose McDonald has always been in the career-transitioning business, or coaching as they call it now a days, and understands through her own entrepreneurial journey and age what women like me need struggle with as we approach retiring companies and careers we have loved and even adored for decades. Business advisors don’t talk about the ”end game” when a woman starts a business, it’s always about what to do to start, succeed, and grow; just like a woman’s life plan.
If you are around my age, a female entrepreneur, considering the next steps in her business career or life, why not find a book like, “Smart Women Don’t Retire – They Break Free” by the Transition Network and Gail Rentsch and gain wisdom from women who have transitioned successfully into later adulthood with and without careers. I, for one, know that trying every sport once in my life until I die is part of my path forward, along with writing, and continually supporting my sisters in business, and maybe sharing some “transition wisdom” with younger women in my world, what will yours be? Time to plan and get going.
Wednesday Wisdom: Tri-Colored Passion
Wednesday Wisdom, Inspiration for Women Entrepreneurs, Females, Small Businesses
As I type this special Independence Day wisdom, since the Fourth of July will occur before the next Wednesday Wisdom, the American flag flies peacefully in my window adorning my porch and colored flowers. I placed it there so I could see it because my father loved the American flag, my great-grandfather was America’s “Working Father of the Year in 1946” a national award given to him since he had 5 of his 7 sons in the Navy, and because it reminds me that I have the freedom to help women 100% of my time because of freedom of speech.
I don’t just cherish the flag once a year, but every day when I see it fly through my window or anywhere else I am. Part of my historic soul might be because I was raised in Rome, New York, the home of Fort Stanwix, where there was always a glorious celebration of our independence in its restored fort with fireworks blazing overhead. I have always loved the red, white, and blue.
As more of Women’s rights were taken away this week, my own tri-colored heart and soul for women’s equality was stirred once more. Life goes along with nothing changing, and then within a moment it changes sometimes for the good and other times for the worse. Sometimes we have control over it and most times we do not. So when an occurrence pops up that challenges our lives, we have two choices – to just move on by accepting the change or following our individual need to help change things.
It is not a surprise that any women’s topic stirs my heart but especially when it comes to inequality in any sense. Last I knew women made up 52% of the population so therefore we should be more than 50% equal to men in all issues mostly importantly pay equality and the right to our own personal decisions. The only thing I don’t like about “fighting” for women’s rights is the feeling that fighting stirs in my typically peaceful heart. I don’t like fighting, I prefer peace.
But like our forefathers and foremothers who fought for their independence from England when they landed on American soil, to suffragettes who fought for the right to vote, and the women in 1973 who fought for their own personal decisions on pregnancy, sometimes rising up is the only way to ensure the type of future we want to live in.
Today’s Wednesday Wisdom, the week before Independence Day, is to pay attention to any stirrings in your soul about issues important to you personally or professionally. Whether it is charging the same higher rates that men charge in the your industry or picking up a cause affecting your daughter’s future, do it knowing women like you today, like those in our historic past, can and do make a difference when they choose to act.
Monday Mood, Monday Motivation, July 4th Holiday Week Inspiration for Women Entrepreneurs
Ghost town…roadways, bikeways, grocery lines…darn quiet in my city. After biking on this beautiful morning in Central New York, I realized this is the full week before the 4th of July falls on a Monday so everyone, and I mean everyone, is using a week of vacation time to make it a ten-day holiday. Why not pack on the time-off in the brilliance of the summer sun when you can?
As a woman entrepreneur, I used to panic this time of year when it seemed like my phones stopped ringing, social media business chats went silent, and you could tell no one was working. It reminded me of working my first day after Thanksgiving as a 21-year-old new hire in a Philadelphia financial services company, without any vacation days, and everyone being gone the day after the holiday. Nothing was happening. Ghost town.
So if you are feeling like tumbleweeds are floating around you, I simply want to remind all my entrepreneurial friends – especially those starting out – that it isn’t you or your business causing the silence; its everyone else taking advantage of the summer. Working 24-hours-a-day, 7 days a week sounds about right when you are in the start-up and growth stages of your business, but there comes a time when you realize you can take a break – especially when everyone else is breaking, celebrating, and family-funning it!
If it still doesn’t feel right as the CEO of your own company, take your laptop somewhere outside where you can relax and do some planning for your future or calculate your past financials, and breathe in this different type of office day and setting because you can. No one this week, the week of Thanksgiving or the weeks around Christmas and New Year are ever going to blame you for taking time off because everyone does it.
So forget the ghost town vibe and dress in red, white, and blue and go toot your celebratory horns with others realizing as much as our country celebrates its freedom, so should we as flexible, hard-working American business owners.
“When?” – My Opinion on Roe vs. Wade Today
It is moments like these – when Roe v Wade gets overturned – that I realize my work uplifting women in business, sports, and equality issues as ruthlessly as I have for 30 years means almost nothing.
I remember in 1999, fighting an all-female volunteer board I led as president, that we would not allow men to be speakers. It was a “woman’s business organization” by name and purpose. They challenged me. My response was if we can’t find a woman speaker educated on the subject we want to present, we will move on to another subject before giving a man an opportunity to be in the spotlight and reap financial benefits from the speaking gig. “We already make less money than men because we don’t have a pay equality law, as President of this organization, I put my foot down when it comes to not giving women the chance to make money here!”
I’ve always been a feminist. I’ve always been a business feminist. On day’s like today when the Supreme Court reverses a woman’s right to choose what is best for her body, I’m re-engaged with my deep rooted voice in the matter and will use my vast marketing platform to remind women that women must support women first and foremost in ALL issues – personal choice, equality, business, sports, and fundamental rights.
If the Supreme Court had nine female justices, I doubt Roe v. Wade would have been overturned. Only when we have a majority of women leading in every aspect of life, courts, businesses, leadership roles, and every table where decisions are made will women get an equal shot at life. Men have never walked in our shoes, they never will. They may try to understand, but they can’t. They therefore cannot deeply get why decisions like today’s are excruciating for women. What rights have they lost over time? Name them please.
I only imagine if men – including every man on the Supreme Court who made the decision to overturn Roe v. Wade today – had to live by a law to get a vasectomy by the time they were 25 in order to limit unwanted pregnancies, today’s decision would have stood. When will men, especially conservative men, ever realize women SHOULD have every right that men do? When?
How Valuable is Your Reputation?
Thursday Thoughts, Inspiration, Business Wisdom for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners, Female Athletes
You may or may not be a golfer, but the subject of this post doesn’t matter if you are because everyone’s reputation is important to them – especially if you are a woman entrepreneur operating in a visible marketplace.
By now you might have heard about a new golf league crashing into the historic PGA Tour with its historic length of time hosting the best tournaments and players. LIV, the new golf tour, is tantalizing players with money, novelty, and lighter playing schedules. In fact, the LIV purse is three times larger than the PGA’s but is controversial because it is backed by Saudi financing and will use two of Donald Trump-owned courses.
Just like in business when competition comes to town stealing, or persuading, customers from long-time enterprises, people have to consider the pros and cons of switching from loyal brands to lesser known ones. In the golf world, pros and agents are mulling over money vs. morality causing rifts and stress. It is a heated discussion. I for one, believe in loyalty and have dropped following my former favorite PGA players like Dustin Johnson and Brooks Kopeka on all my social media because of their decisions. I’ll just focus on the players I already truly like including Rory McIlory and Jordan Speith.
I think in the end if more millions of dollars in the now LIV golfer’s bank accounts or less time playing competitive golf with more rest days, matters more to them or their reputation in the history books, than go “fore” it.
For all of us who won’t make a million dollars in our businesses on a yearly basis, stick to watching your reputation, staying loyal to your customer base, and keep an eye on your social media accounts because you’ll witness the decision to remain honest, loyal, and humble, benefits you in more important ways than money ever does.
Keep in mind once you lose a good reputation, it is very difficult to get back. Choose wisely.
Wednesday Wisdom: The Financial Seesaw
Wednesday Wisdom, Inspiration for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners, Small Businesses
Both phones were ringing almost at the same time. Quickly answering them, both sons were calling frustrated by a cancellation in a return flight from Denver back to New York City. Headlines in the previous day’s newspaper warned of cancelled flights at the start of the summer season due to limited staff. The airline would only refund my boys half their fees and then they had to pay for overnight accommodations since the airline did not have anything to offer them. Quite angry they swore off the company.
A day later a text message rang on my phone from a woman needing to cancel an already paid for adventure we had planned together. With a no refund policy from the adventure company, I knew it might be hard to get our money refunded but I tried anyways. A helpful, friendly girl quickly agreed to giving us back our money and sent me on my way content.
Later in the evening sitting in a cool outside amphitheater, my husband and I enjoyed one of this Father’s Day gifts, seats resold from a cancelled Doobie Brothers Concert the year before due to Covid-19. Our seats had excellent views and cost less than they would have due to rescheduling from the year before which made us happy.
There is always a seesaw effect when it comes to money. Sometimes we win and other times we lose. It might be our fault for winning or losing cash or someone else’s cause. The thing to remember is the seesaw never stays down or up always changing and trying to balance itself out.
Luckily for my sons, I had enough bonus points to fly them home from Denver without it costing them anything. Luckily for me and my client, the adventure company had a friendly cancellation policy. Fortune again gave my husband and I prime seats on a beautiful June night due to a flexible rescheduling policy.
Today’s Wednesday Wisdom is to remind you that sometimes you win in money scenarios, and sometimes you don’t. Keep in mind, in most cases if you ride the wave (aka seesaw) long enough you end up balanced having lost nothing more than time. So choose wisely when you purchase anything these days, especially airplane tickets, and ensure there are solid refund policies in place to protect your purchases.
Similarly, as a woman entrepreneur, make sure you have strong refund policies in place to protect you and your customers. Be fair. Be flexible. Think how you would feel if you couldn’t get money back from an unfortunate ordeal that was out of your or their hands.
Prompt Your Creativity
Tuesday Thoughts, Creativity for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners, Small Businesses
Sitting comfortably in my pool house, painted the color of peanut butter with white fluff colored trim, I nestle into a mahogany chair belonging to a member selling her office furniture. Pink hat and pink glasses on, wearing my fuchsia branded company running shirt, I secure a computer camera, test the volume and sip a cup of dark rich coffee waiting for a Zoom lesson in creative writing to begin.
At the ring of a bell my educator, a woman entrepreneur, appeared on screen with beautiful blonde hair sitting in soothing seafoam green room. “Good Morning,” she says. I’m giddy with delight to talk and learn from a regional member as the cloudy skies finally allow sunshine to stream on my desk. Immersed in conversation, with a large white writing pad at my side, we begin our discussion which will lead me into a creative writing mindset.
The hour and a half lesson with fun writing prompts goes fast. At one point after closing my eyes, I’m taken to a favorite meadow, sitting among tall grasses and wildflowers, to center myself and glean the wisdom abounding from the setting. If read my weekly inspirational posts, you already understand nature is perfect inspiration for me. As the guide prompts questions and I write answers in long form, my journey as a more creative writer begins.
Today’s blog post is to inspire you to do one of two things. First, consider hiring a coach or consultant to help you get over any hurdle in your business. It could be a creative hurdle like mine or a financial, business or planning hurdle too. Where you are stuck and how can someone else deliver a solution?
Second, plan time in your calendar to be creative. Creativity comes in many entrepreneurial forms such as writing, speaking, designing, planning and collaborating to name a few. What areas of your business world could use more creativity? Do you need prompts like I did to settle into a creative mind frame to advance your work? If so, do something constructive about it to move forward.
Before there were coaches and consultants, I hired a graphic designer or artist to open up my creative self. I needed to get inside their minds to morph my vision. Time spent with them was always beneficial. Sometimes opposites attract and create new visions and opportunities for a business.
Women TIES 