Choose Compassion: Coming Out Colton Lessons
As the wind howled outside my large floor-to-ceiling windows, the cozy, worn, brown-leathered couch called for me to sit awhile. Busy from the high-paced fall, solo time was missing. Never someone to watch purposeless programs on the tube, I landed on the new Netflix show “Coming Out Colton” and decided to watch the first episode.
A combination of seeing Colton Underwood from a few Bachelors shows and having three gay and two lesbian cousins, made me interested in what the show was going to share about coming out. One of my gay cousins is as close as a brother is to me and understanding his world is important. Of course, I have accepted him immediately since telling me about his sexuality, because I’ve loved him all my life. Being gay, didn’t make any difference to me, although that wasn’t true for everyone in his life.
After watching four episodes of Colton’s show, I concluded my thoughts on the series – mainly feeling overwhelmingly sad for anybody who has to hide from who they are because society, their family and even friends won’t accept them. Not long ago, the reality of this truth hit me personally in a much different way, when I lost all my hair to alopecia and put myself “in a closet” trying to hide my new, natural bald look at the age of 55 from others and hoping my husband of 33 years and two adult sons saw and loved me the same way.
It truly is a different issue because most of the time I am greeted with compassion when others see me and think I am recovering from cancer and show acts of kindness. Other times, I get stares, especially from children who once in awhile say, “Hey, is that a man or a woman” when I’m only wearing a baseball cap. I cringe wishing I wore longer earrings or more pink to stop their questions. So, I easily identify with the sadness I see watching “Coming Out Colton” as the discussion of coming out gay has caused so much pain and anxiety for so many who can’t change who they are, just like I can’t change being bald.
I wish everyone with an opinion one way or the other about homosexuality, would watch at least the first few episodes of the show with a compassionate heart to see that people are just people who want to be accepted and loved for who they are, what they look like, and how they were made. Internal personal struggles are hard enough to deal with, without commentary and judgement from others. Let’s learn to be much more compassionate people filled with kindness and an openness to accept good people the way they are, no matter what.
Monday Motivation: Commit to the Change Ahead
Today’s blog post is a repost from 2015. The wisdom contains the same message to me, and hopefully you, today.
Business Advice for Women Entrepreneurs and Small Businesses
The quote, “The hardest part about making a decision is the time leading up to the decision,” has always been something I’ve said to those I’ve loved or counseled when they had a big decision in front of them. The “knowing” of needing to make a change festers in our soul ready to escape the moment we give in to a resolution. Whether in life or in business, decisions can be difficult.
For a couple months I have pondered making some changes within my business. When the uneasiness or the “knowing” struck me late summer, I knew I needed to give myself enough time to ruminate about it, speak with a few trusted people and then when the time was right to begin the change. I think we all wish change could occur at the snap of our fingers but meaningful change…
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Thursday Thought: Small Acts of Kindness
It was an ordinary trip to the grocery store; I was just running in to get some fresh produce for a special dinner menu for my husband. Per usual, the bright, beautiful floral department with all its smells and luscious invitations to buy them, was just before the vegetables. I stopped and gazed at the array with the thought, “stop to smell the roses” in my hurried step.
As I was gazing at some beautiful pale purple roses, a woman joined me and softly commented on how lovely they were. I told her to buy some for herself because women deserve flowers around them as much as possible. She looked down and gently said, “I don’t have the money for them.” My gut instinct was that she was telling the truth. I felt her sadness.
I wished her well as I took a dozen of the lavender roses with me. After finishing my grocery shopping, I decided to walk to my car, parked close to the entrance, and wait for the woman to appear. As she left the store, with only a small bag of items, I approached her with 3 of the purple roses and gave them to her as a gift. Her eyes welled up with gratitude and love.
Later that day looking around my office at all the pink rose items that represent the love my female Italian relatives have for one another and give as gifts; my heart filled again with love for the woman I showed some tenderness to and how much it meant to her.
As you hurry in and out of stores this holiday season, and speed down streets trying to hit the green lights, don’t forget to stop and notice who is around that might need a small gift of attention. If we can’t stop to “smell the roses” at times like these, we can’t be an unexpected blessing to another human being.
Wednesday Wisdom: Money Magic
Wednesday Wisdom, Motivation for Women, Women Entrepreneurs, Small Businesses
Walking down the silent halls of the once bustling Destiny USA Mall, projected an eerie feeling in a typically joyful time of year for retailers. Once thriving storefronts with holiday specials, were visually boarded up with plastic wrap. Even the festive holiday balls hanging from the massive atrium were missing, and I couldn’t find Santa to get my photo taken. Major anchor retailers like Lord and Taylor and JC Penny showed bare shelves once packed with holiday sweaters, makeup boxes, and bling. All I could think about, not having not been to the mall in a long time, was how hard hit businesses were due to the Pandemic.
Most of the year I only focus on small, quaint, woman-owned boutiques, giftware, and services, never visiting gigantic malls or online stores partly because I’m not a shopper but also because I spend my money with women entrepreneurs. Sitting in my home-based office much of 2020 and 2021, I’ve missed the complete emptying of major streets and shopping buildings only focused on how to help the smallest of businesses affiliated with my organization or community so it shocked me to witness the wide open vault of gutted stores and restaurants as if “destiny” did in fact occur.
December doesn’t typically lend itself to sadness unless we’ve lost loved ones during the year or people we care about are struggling mentally or physically because somehow happiness is found in the small things like holiday sounds, sights, food, and faith. Most times for me, happiness is found financially or inspirationally supporting another sister entrepreneur. Walking down those vacant mall corridors reminds me where my heart lies and why sharing my buying mission is so important every week. It’s to garner enough monetary action that a woman-owned company doesn’t end up vacant like the mall
This Wednesday Wisdom, as you prepare your long list of tasks for the upcoming holiday, is meant to remind you not to forget about a sister entrepreneur who might need you purchase, advice, smile, ear, or shoulder no matter how busy you are. Make the extra time on your list to check in on other female business owners to make sure they aren’t facing a future of boarded up windows or aspirations themselves.
We in fact, as women with purchasing power, have the ability to change lives and keep doors open with a little touch of holiday cheer and money magic.
Entrepreneurial Thoughts on a Blue Monday
Over the right side of my desk sits a calming aquarium with gurgling sounds, soft floating bubbles from the aerator, and green seaweed. The feng shui experts would applaud my choice in setting a quaint, peaceful setting in the midst of my busy 26-year entrepreneurial home office. The aquatic symbol reminds me of my love for swimming, snorkeling, and all things water.
My “partner-in-crime” in business, the past five years has been a brilliant blue cichlid named……wait for it….”Blue,” my youngest son’s first pet that accompanied him his last year at Syracuse University. At times, Blue’s tank had accidental vodka and beer poured into it by drunken fraternity brothers of my son, but he survived in the college atmosphere. Maybe he thrived on my son’s love for him.
When our son graduated and moved to New York City, he asked us to take Blue in as our pet. Knowing I wasn’t allergic to him, like I am to cats and dogs, we agreed. As empty nesters, the song, “Me and You, and our Fish Named Blue” became mine and my husband’s favorite little tune. What else are you supposed to do when faced with an empty house after twenty-two years of loving to parent two boys? Eventually we bought Blue a larger tank as he grew bigger (most likely due to his water being cleaner) and he became a large part of my work environment.
“You are feeding him too much, Mom,” my son would say returning home to check in on his fish. “Well, I’m Italian, what do you expect? He looks hungry all the time,” I retorted. After Adam would leave to go back to the Big Apple, Blue and I would settle back into our business life working and swimming in the Women TIES Office. When I’d leave for appointments, I’d tell him I’d return soon and when I did he would come to the edge looking for food and a greeting.
I know, I know…..fish don’t have large brains but when you hang out with another living entity for five years, you get them, you know? When I’d be on the phone or playing music while I worked, Blue was more alive dipping and diving in his serene space. Glancing at him once in a while made me happy. Is that crazy to admit?
So when I entered my office at 7 a.m. on this December Monday morning before turning on his light, I could see he wasn’t in his familiar greeting place. Sure enough, Blue had gone to the big fishing pond in the sky during the night leaving me to have a “Blue Monday” and singing a new tune, “Blue Christmas.” I know, I know….it is silly to be used to having a fish as a companion but all you animal and fish lovers out there understand the quietness existing in my office today.
Today’s blog post is a cheer to my partner-in-crime Blue and the presence he brought to my sea foam green office. The aquarium still gurgles but it is missing its pride and joy, and my entrepreneurial sidekick. Remember to appreciate your staff, partners, sidekicks, and even animals that make your work space a joyful place. Swim freely in peace today Blue! You’ll be missed.
Wednesday Wisdom: Joyful Business Inspiration
Wednesday Wisdom, Inspiration for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners, Small Businesses
There is a wonderful quote by a Jesuit priest that says, “It’s not joy that makes us grateful, it’s gratitude that makes us joyful.” If this statement is true, then you should be reading this Wednesday Wisdom with a joyful spirit, having spent the last weekend being thankful for friends, family, food, and hopefully holiday shopping revenue from customers. It makes sense the end of our country’s holiday of gratitude leads right into the season of commercial and religious joy.
What I loved most about working in a Jesuit institution for seven years in Syracuse, and then heard sitting in an auditorium with accepted students at Boston College with my oldest son, was their mission in teaching students to reflect deeply on who they are and how they want to live their lives, and then promote engagement with the complex problems of today’s world to make a lasting difference in their careers.
As my eyes welled with tears, understanding this mission as part of my own life, I loved the fact my son would be taught to look at the world not just through a commercial, money-making lens when he graduated, but through compassionate awareness of where his best skills could be used to make life better for others. He decided to combine his passion for sports and medicine to work in an all-woman’s orthopedic practice at the best hospital in New York City as a Surgical Physician’s Assistant.
This thought rings in my ears and on my fingertips today as I ask you to contemplate what small or large positive impacts you can make this joyful season for your clients, staff, and community where your business resides? Does your company have a corporate giving policy? Do you consider your employee’s needs as limited vacation days arrive at year’s end? Is it possible to give holiday bonuses to employees or gifts to favorite customers?
Sometimes it isn’t about what we sell, how much we sell or who we sell to, it is about the overall contributions we make in our lives to others. If we are thankful being women entrepreneurs and filled with joy from that gratitude, what percentage of what we do or make can or should be given away to help others?
You don’t have to watch the Christmas Carol or attend a Jesuit college to understand a joyful heart is owned by a giving person who cares deeply for those around them. How we distribute our joy this month of December will set our gratitude levels. Why not make it as joyful as you can with what you have?
Small Business Saturday With a Twist
Inspiration, Buying Power, and Motivation for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners
The blustery weather accompanied by the warmth of a firewood heat has a way of making you want to stay indoors on a day like this, but when you are wearing a RBG rose-colored sweatshirt thinking about pay inequality and a personal mission for three decades to promote as many woman-owned companies as possible to help level the financial playing field, shopping clothes call to get your out the door and purchasing at your member’s female-owned small businesses in town.
Each year I encourage, and follow my own mission, for people to buy from female small businesses every Small Business Saturday and every day of the year. But when we are all living in the post-pandemic business world where storage containers are still stuck in China, Amazon is making billions of dollars, and female entrepreneurs have been hardest hit by the lack of a traditional revenue-making year, it is up to women and men, to place their money in the hands, pocketbooks, and even Pay Pal accounts of woman-owned companies.
In our inventory of members, we have original jewelry makers, authors, artists selling their works, shop owners selling clothes, notecard suppliers, restaurants offering gift certificates, and more. All it takes is a heart, mission, and action plan to get out the door and shop locally at a woman-owned company even if she is a seller of other people’s products. You are still putting money in her hands.
Because I believe in promoting regional and New York State businesses owned by women, online shopping is a total possibility if you don’t want to put on your hats, mittens and boots to shop on an inclement day. Ask away and I’ll supply you with their website links. Whatever I can do to support you in buying from women, I will do.
Shopping with a mission like supporting small business is essential for them and us each holiday season because people spend money this time of year. I passionately ask you to support me, in supporting them, and keeping women-owned companies surviving and thriving. I’m grateful for your shopping decisions.
Wednesday Wisdom: Early Thanksgiving Thoughts
Tuesday Thoughts, Thanksgiving Message, Wednesday Wisdom
Sitting in the deep woods with my husband with frosted leaves, deep earth smells, tall stark trees, at 5:30 a.m. on opening deer hunting day, reminded me of the American pilgrims and my male ancestors. The tradition of hunting deer to early settlers was serious business, often of almost life-and-death importance. Hunting played an important role and development of our country which would not have advanced as rapidly as it did without the aid of meat and skins it supplied. My father and grandfather looked forward to hunting season every year.
One early autumn day after my husband voiced his disappointment not having anyone to hunt with on opening day, I decided to surprise him by taking a long online hunting safety course to get my license. The intensive course compiled ten long chapters, chapter quizzes, and a 100-question final exam. It took about a month for me to complete fitting it into all my female-focused business work. I figured if anything good came of these lessons, at least the part of my brain that never thought about guns, animal anatomy, or ammunition was being awakened with knowledge. It helped one of the online instructors was a woman.
Once I passed the course and told my husband, he took me to a shooting range where I must admit, I hit a bullseye my first-time shooting. With my cool gun glasses on, blaze orange attire, and sharp shooting skills, I was ready to go on this “buck”et list adventure. Having watched two women survive and almost win a million dollars surviving in the artic circle a month prior on television, and with hunter’s genes in my DNA, I embraced the experience.
What I can tell you is after sitting as still as possible so you don’t alert the pry, you start contemplating the way of life this was for those early American adventurers who had to forge, fight, and hunt to survive in a new country. Without a switch to turn on heat, running water to quench their thirst, or a grocery story with processed food, you soon realize how blessed our generation has it. I’m not sure how we complain as much as we do about what we don’t have, when we have all we need at our fingertips.
Although hunting will never be what I want to do, the experience made me more aware of modern day advances, the importance of a healthy environment for animals and humans, the beauty of nature, and the abundance we each have compared to our ancestors. I hope today’s post inspires you to witness the plain, simple gifts in front and around you and be truly thankful for them.
I am full of gratitude every week when someone reads my inspirational and business writings, allowing me into their lives in some small way, hoping it makes a positive difference. I wish you a blessed and happy Thanksgiving.
Be Yourself: Rainbows and #41 For the Win
Thursday Thoughts on Nature, Fitness, Alopecia, and Self-Image
Out the window to the west, a pale rainbow, barely visible and not a frequent early morning sighting in mid-November in Upstate New York, shimmered. The forecast was 58 balmy degrees by 8 a.m. dropping during the day until snow arrived later on. The rainbow and temperature beckoned my soul to rise quickly for an early morning bike ride.
As I passed, “all the little ants marching” (lyrics from the Dave Matthews Band) their way to work on the busy highway leading me to my favorite bike trail, joy overwhelmed me due to my 26-year flexible career schedule which allows me to exercise when I want and report to work, in my own office, when I want. Knowing the rest of my day was filled with an online course and a client luncheon out of town, I took the opportunity to follow my heart and rainbow for the early fitness jaunt.
As you can imagine, no one else was biking on the barren trail which now showed the lake right at my side since all the leaves blew away. The smell of mud, old leaves, and water reminded me of my childhood growing up on a lake where I was content and happy being lakeside as often as I could. The earthy smell, perhaps turning someone else off, made me nostalgic so I breathed it in.
After a few miles on the 9-mile trail got me warmed up and rain drops started to fall, I didn’t think of going back to my car but taking off the hat covering my totally bald head to feel the raindrops on my skin. A few walkers looked at me with puzzling looks, not smiling, even though I did. Perhaps my bald image shocked them first thing in the morning, most people see me and think I have cancer, but my strong legs and fast bike speed probably confused them.
Weaving in and out of rain drops, I got happier. It’s taken 3 years to adjust to being bald and on rainy bike days like this morning, when I use to care if my hair got wet and messy, I realized my fortune at not caring. Losing one’s self image, might make you lose yourself in the beginning of an ordeal, but over time you become aware of the small blessings it brings. For me, it was enjoying every rain drop falling on my head, the freedom of not caring what I looked like, the cold wind whipping past my sweaty head, and the cool breezes perking up my cheeks to a pale color pink.
It really doesn’t matter what people think about you or what you are doing in life as long as you truly enjoy yourself and your daily decisions. This is the one piece of wisdom I’ve learned from my alopecia diagnosis and 3-year life as a bald woman. Sure, I wish I had my long, thick brown hair back, but if I did, would I ever feel the warming touch of a cool rain drop or the wind whirling around my skin, or even the puzzling looks from strangers that make me laugh internally. No, I wouldn’t.
As the bike ride started to end in front of the St. Joseph’s Amphitheater where I saw the Dave Matthews Band play in August, with the song #41 in my ear pods, and another rainbow appearing before my eyes, I looked down at my watch to see I had been biking for 41 beautiful, bald minutes in a space of joy and contentment. I hope you find as much happiness in your day as I found in mine. Look for it. Live it. Enjoy it. Relish it. We only have one!
Wednesday Wisdom: The Gift of Re-Engagement
Wednesday Wisdom, Inspiration, Success Strategies for Women Entrepreneurs, Female Business Owners, Small Businesses
The old white mansion stood solid on the corner piece of property. Its columns, with a pink flowering plant still blooming above the porch floor with rustic leaves swirling around its base due to the wind, welcomed guests under its roof. Inside a glass paned door led to a stunning foyer. To the left of the entrance way was a fireplace with enough windows to welcome in the late autumn-colored day, and a conference table adorned with golden-leafed plants.
It was the perfect setting for a first-time return event in the Mohawk Valley, specifically Rome, New York, where our hostess Michelle Shauger’s office resides along with the building’s owner Kim Cook, CPA. Not knowing how many women might attend, Michelle and I decided to take the chance and see. We were both content with whoever showed up knowing some women remain tentative about public events.
To our joy, fifteen wonderful business women joined us as we sat around the long table, like an early Thanksgiving Day gathering, sharing a meal and conversing about strategies that got us through the worst part of the pandemic. What was amazing was the fact that the most often noted success strategy was re-engaging on a more intimate level with customers.
Whether it was dropping off free books to clients, having personal Zoom calls with long-time customers just to stay in touch, adapting services to cater to clients who were timid about doing business face-to-face or even signing documents, or treating special clients to gifts accompanied by Zoom calls to show them how to use the sent gifts. Old fashion customer service opportunities arose and helped these woman-owned businesses survive.
Today’s Wednesday Wisdom, the week before the most grateful holiday of the year, contemplate some of these strategies and implement them yourself or have a brain storming session with your staff on ways to honor, gift, and show customers your appreciation. You know your clients better than anyone else.
Also, realize you have different customers with varying tolerance levels for risking their health post-pandemic, and custom design options for different groups.
What is important is they know you still care about them especially this time of year, which should carry into a happier 2022.
Women TIES 